When you go thru such a terrible loss, alot of people have flashbacks to the distant past or the actual incident. It’s the same with me. My mind and heart pour over life incidents from every age. It’s hard to deal with some recall, it’s still too painful to share. But the good memories, the hard fought victories with Marc, the daily joys with him …. always outweigh the painful! And the depth to which God was a part of our lives is too strong a witness.
With this kind of loss you find all these attitudes about life and death that you never knew were there. Some eternal sense of right and wrong comes out and you find out what you’re made of. What you’ve stored up from family experience, watching the news or reading history or what you’ve read in some religious book … it’s that info that’s in your heart. Oh, how grateful I am for the love of God, the sound faith of other Christians and the Bible that’s buried deep in my soul. I have peace about where Marc is even tho I still long for him deeply.
My chore ahead is to continue to hold Marc’s legacy up to God and man. To claim justice for Marc in the court system, but also deal with the defendants somehow in a spiritually creative way … Please continue praying! I’m convinced God is not sleeping here!
‘I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.’ Psalm 27:13