Joining a dating site used to seem so repugnant to me …. I thought it was so abnormal, or weird. I’m not into ‘chats’ or flattering people just to be nice …. but I’m really pleased about this adventure.
My friend Crista shared how she met her husband thru the site I’m on, and she’s such a true Christian blogger sister that her success started removing some of the tarnish of it being a tawdry way to meet someone serious.
The first few days I was so nervous, sceptical but there’s a learning curve to most anything. Part of this journey is so normal, part is funny …. and part is seriously scary! My male family & friends don’t realize there’s guys even on Christian sites who’re out to prey on women! People don’t want to hear that side of life. I know my son Paul, and former brother in law Gregg, would be pretty concerned if I told them about some of the men who’ve contacted me.
It’s interesting sharing about going on a dating site, I never thought I’d have the nerve to share in public. I’m like alot of people ….. careful about sharing such a personal side of my life. But …. after Marc went to heaven I was surprised by a couple messages from God. I felt He was saying, “I’m going to send you a comforter’! I knew in my case it meant ‘husband’, as my best friend on earth had been taken from me. The word was not something I dreamed up in my sub-conscience as I was so worn from sadness, lack of sleep, keeping up with the court case, family, work and blog! For so long I’d sit on my sofa and cry at night, and even told myself, ‘how could anyone be part of my broken life?’ So I doubted His message.
But God speaks in the quiet times, sometimes reiterating His plan thru other sources. The word ‘comforter’ is such a great term …. it went right down to my heart. It’s just soooo unheard of these days …. but so necessary in normal relationships. Women are increasingly carrying such heavy loads of work, family and church they many times are lacking the experience of being comforted themselves. We are so used to giving comfort to children, others ….. we need it ourselves at times. We really aren’t super women!
Usually you hear men and women joking to each other about these relationship things, but dating isn’t really a ‘funny’ issue in the long run. Anyway, there’s no proper screening on the site I use, so it’s possible to have any number of strange people sign up. The site let’s me know that here and there someone has tried to contact me but they’ve been deleted for abusing the guidelines, so I’m glad there’s some protection. I’m also not into giving someone my email immediately and then finding when we connect that I’m led to a porn site or I download a virus. Who knows what hackers, or whatever are on these sites
To be truthful there are some truly good people on the site. I always read profile bio’s, so I can get an idea of a persons life experience, heart towards God, family and others. Some profiles are so involved, some are one liners. A few have shared how their lives have dramatically changed and God’s brought them a new perspective of things. They’re actually brave enough to share how they’ve chased the wrong things, like the successful life at the top, and it wasn’t what they thought and came crashing down. Then some guys write like all’s so rosy & perfect and I’ve felt, ‘gee, you have it all worked out, …. where would I fit in, what would I add in your equation?’
No one ….nada ….. has mentioned a thing about my blog or Marc early on, even tho I mention him a bit in my profile. I’ve had to mention him later on. I’m not real put off but just bit surprised. Maybe that’s how women view things. I totally know that dealing with death or murder is something that scares alot of people, even Christians, and I couldn’t partner up with anyone who’s not compassionate about a loss that’s so great! One man said he and his kids are a ‘package deal’, and that’s how I feel about Marc …. ‘the blog and Marc are my package deal.’ No likey, no takey! So I lose some because of Marc, and that’s okay.
I’m not on the site to waste mine or anyone’s time. Re: physical attraction some have differed to God to send them the perfect one. Personally, I don’t want to waste time wondring about people, I like to get an idea soon. I look at photos, read bio’s and have certain preferences I know I can’t shake.
Anyway, the best word I could think of in my profile to describe over-all attraction was ‘chemistry’. Chemistry doesn’t stand for ‘lust’, like one man stated. ‘Chemistry’ to me involves the whole being’s motive for living and how open they are to working as a ‘team’ member with the opposite sex. It’s about his/her energy level, the commitment they make to life. To me it’s just not being very true to yourself to not consider the chemistry element in a relationship.
We are supposed to be attracted to our opposite …. they bring out the best in us, complete us, but also make us confront things we would not normally think of or deal with on our own. There are a ton of Christians out there but to find one with ‘character’ is more rare but so important. Having an exciting purpose in life is attractive to me …. daring to be real in this world of users is another neat quality in a man that’s so desirable.
Thankfully Marc and I had some solid relationship ideals that stood the test of time. I know from just having lived life that many are living in a fantasy world with their real selves …. with family, health, finances. I’m not putting anyone down cause I’ve had my short fantasy, American lifestyle period and it led down the wrong road. But I’m so glad Marc would have none of that nonsense pretty much! Solid as they come, he was!