(In the process of being re-edited)
Joining a dating site used to seem so repugnant to me …. I thought it was too abnormal, or weird. I never did chat rooms, am not interested in going out just to fill my time or flatter any ones ego. I knew men from church, Christian or bluegrass bands I sang in, neighborhood, etc …. but I was really pleased about the adventure.
My Christian blogger friend Crista shared how she met her husband thru the site I was on, and when she shared her success it started removing some of the tarnish of joining a dating site. I began to think it might not be a bad place to meet someone serious.
The first few days I was so nervous, still deeply scheptical but then I realized there’s a learning curve to most anything. Part of the journey is so normal, part is funny …. and part is seriously scary! My male family & friends don’t realize there’s guys even on Christian sites who’re out to prey on women! People don’t want to hear that side of life. I know my son Paul, and former brother in law Gregg, who I’m close with, would be pretty concerned if I told them about some of the men who’ve contacted me.
It’s interesting sharing about going on a dating site, I never thought I’d have the nerve to share in public. I’m like alot of people ….. careful about sharing such a personal side of my life. But …. after Marc went to heaven I was surprised by a strong impression from God that He wanted me to have a ‘comforter’! My son Paul was married, and it happened that Marc was sorta my best friend on earth, and he was taken from me. The word was not something I dreamed up in my sub-conscience as I was so worn from sadness, lack of sleep, keeping up with the court case, family, work and blog! For so long I’d sit on my sofa and cry at night, and even told myself, ‘how could anyone be part of my broken life?’ So I doubted His message.
But God speaks to us in the quiet times, sometimes reiterating His plan thru other sources. The word ‘comforter’ is such a great term …. it went right down to my heart, and is so necessary in normal relationships. Women are increasingly carrying such heavy loads of work, family and church they many times are lacking the experience of being comforted themselves. We are so used to giving comfort to children, others ….. we need it ourselves at times. We really aren’t super women!
Usually you hear men and women joking to each other about these relationship things, but dating isn’t really a ‘funny’ issue in the long run. Anyway, there’s no proper screening on the site I use, so it’s possible to have any number of strange people sign up. The site let’s me know that here and there someone has tried to contact me but they’ve been deleted for abusing the guidelines, so I’m glad there’s some protection. I’m also not into giving someone my email immediately and then finding when we connect that I’m led to a porn site or I download a virus. Who knows what hackers, or whatever are on these sites
To be truthful there are some truly good people on the site. I always read profile bio’s, so I can get an idea of a persons life experience, heart towards God, family and others. Some profiles are so involved, some are one liners. A few have shared how their lives have dramatically changed and God’s brought them a new perspective of things. They’re actually brave enough to share how they chased the wrong things, like the successful life at the top, and it wasn’t what they thought and came crashing down. Then some guys write like all’s so rosy & perfect and I’ve felt, ‘gee, you have it all worked out, …. where would I fit in, what would I add in your equation?’ It’s obvious he wants another person who’s always ‘happy’, and I could never mask moods.
No one ….nada ….. mentioned a thing about my blog or Marc early on, even tho I mention him a bit in my profile. I had to mention him later on. I’m not real put off but just bit surprised. Maybe that’s how women view things. I totally know that dealing with death or murder is something that scares alot of people, even Christians, and I couldn’t date or partner up with anyone who’s not in the long term compassionate about a loss that’s so great! One man said he and his kids are a ‘package deal’, and that’s how I feel about Marc …. ‘my blog, life experience and continual love for my son(s) are my package deal.’ No likey, no takey! So I lose some because of Marc murder case, I don’t want a wimp.
I’m not on the site to waste mine or anyone’s time. Re: physical attraction some have differed to God to send them the perfect one. Personally, I don’t want to waste time wondring, I like to get an idea soon. I look at photos, read bio’s and have certain preferences I know I can’t shake.
Anyway, the best word I could think of in my profile to describe over-all attraction was ‘chemistry’. Chemistry doesn’t stand for ‘lust’, like one man stated. ‘Chemistry’ to me involves the whole being’s motive for living and how open they are to working as a ‘team’ member with the opposite sex. It’s about his/her energy level, the commitment they make to life. To me, it’s just not being very true to yourself to not consider the chemistry element in a relationship.
We are supposed to be attracted to our opposite …. they bring out the best in us, complete us, but also make us confront things we would not normally think of or deal with on our own. There are a ton of godly men out there but to find one with ‘character’ is more rare but so important. A man who dares to be real in this world of ‘users’ is attractive to me, you don’t have to be loud, it’s just that quiet knowing you like yourself, etc.
Thankfully Marc and I had some solid relationship ideals that stood the test of time. I know from just having lived life that many are living in a fantasy world with their real selves …. with family, health, finances. I’m not putting anyone down cause I’ve had my short fantasy, American lifestyle period and it led down the wrong road. But I’m so glad Marc would have none of that nonsense pretty much! Solid as they come, he was!