Pretty Friggen Mad Right Now

I’ve shared about the lesser defendant Wesley few times. I’ve shared how I needed justice in my son Marc’s case, but when it came to forgiving the defendants it was like stepping over a mud puddle ….. just a slight detour in uncovering the promise in Marc’s case.

Soon after the crime I had the distinct impression the boys never intended to harm Marc. They eventually wept with me when sharing how remorseful they were. My understanding of violent crime really took on a different face since getting to know them. I was always humbled and reassured by them due to their respect for me, they aren’t criminal’ personalities, it’s never been a problem trusting them. We have this strange bond.

Anyway, I’m so angry! I’ve helped Wesley in times of emergency when he’s homeless and he’s been deeply grateful! But …. recently he wasn’t in a good place. It scared me. For some reason I contacted him the same night of the Vegas shootings & Tom Petty’s collapse. I was aware of a deep unrest going on somewhere, I couldn’t place my finger on what?

Wesley’s a pretty private person and hates to disclose his needs. Getting a Scorpio to share can be ‘tough’, but if you make a friend of a Scorpio you have a friend indeed. Anyway, that night I happened to contact him and after prodding him he disclosed he hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours and was feeling very weak! I found out he wasn’t homeless, which was a blessing, but was taking care of a friend just out of the hospital, and they were both very weak from not having eaten.

I suspect it was longer than 24 hours since they’d eaten as he did say he couldn’t make it thru the night. I knew he was seriously scared, and after ‘prying’, he shared how he was worried bout his sick friend who was on meds.

I didn’t know what I could do 1,000 miles away?! I asked if he could just ask a neighbor for a can of soup, box of mac n’ cheese? But I think people are either too fearful to ask or have tried it before. It was Sunday evening and not feasible for me to go to Walmart and send a moneygram.

Then he suggested I could ‘order pizza’. Well, one place charged so much it made me so mad, and I thought, ‘this is a total nightmare, they are going to charge me 4 times as much as I’d spend at the grocery store. I hate how the business world tries to run their prices up so high and here some people need decent prices’. I just shut down and felt, ‘NO, I’m not going that route.’ I detest being ‘used’ by ‘the ‘system’! Where does the insanity of Marc’s crime stop? Money helps, but it’s not the solution to poverty, addiction, crime, etc.’

Anyway, I ordered from another pizza place, cause I hate ‘gougers’ but it took calling a service center, emailing an authorization, waiting 40 more minutes. I kept thinking, ‘what are the guys going to do after this meal’? I hated how poverty takes so much energy from a person’s life! The worry just to ‘exist’ in life is so defeating! I understood Wesley needed more than one meal but needed food to last days, weeks. And I researched resources and we talked about getting food from various places.


Wesley and I aren’t in touch that often, but it was divine intervention that night as the men were so weak. I also discovered next day how the major Homeless/Poverty Agency in his area had suffered a huge fire and has had to cut way back their much needed meal and pantry services till Feb!

What a serious blow to the poor in his area! The Lutheran churches there only give out food on Thursdays, which was 3 days away. I think the public knows there’s food pantries out there but they don’t understand how those places are stretched to the max, only available a few hours, etc! And some people can’t get there and take much home at a time.

It’s hard to watch how life can take people under. Some are born with a good conscience but have so many things come against them, then others seem to float thru life with things always going their way and they don’t feel grateful or ‘see’ anyone suffer out there.

I’m mad cause the enemy of God keeps wanting to steal the joy from us, and sometimes it seems he’s winning. I get mad at myself sometimes for not keeping in touch with Wesley better. He’s a very ‘people’ oriented person, has a number of FB friends and real friends, I’ve seen him interact with others. Oh, if his family would take him back in! What a travesty for some of our youth today!

I’m definitely NOT defeated about the boys but just feel so freakin’ upset sometimes about certain attitudes in this world! If it wasn’t for the ‘promise’ I felt God give me re: Marc’s case, I’d have probably said goodbye to Wesley or Andrew long while ago. I know God is able to fulfill His side of the agreement, so I go on in hope that promise will continue to be unveiled!

*   (Posts aren’t always written in the order events happen)

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