‘Give It To Me’

      ‘Give it to me!’

What do you think of when you hear those words? ‘Give me your vote’? ‘Gimme some money’? ‘Gimme the catsup?’ ‘Give me your love’?

I recently visited with the lesser defendant. While I waited for him on the lite rail platform, a few young men were gathered there as well. One very sweetly asked, ‘You seem like a ‘neat’ lady, do you smoke weed?’ I was kinda floored to be confronted so openly about that cause he looked like a Christian high school senior. I told him I didn’t use it. My first thought was my safety, but there were other people coming and going at times & it was mid-day. I was glad I wasn’t being cornered late at night in a dangerous area and told, ‘give me any money, drugs’.

Give it to me’

Another man came by and asked if I had a bus ticket, and I said ‘No’, but if he needed bus fare I had $5.00. He was so grateful. He was pretty disheveled and gave me his recent life story. He told me he was on his way to see his parents in Johnson City. He was pretty ‘out of it’ from drugs/alcohol but was polite, and I felt safe enough as it was afternoon or I might not have answered him. I’ve found out thru working with the homeless, and going thru Marc’s case, that many people often retain their respect for others. But I’ve met some beligerent, mean mentally ill folks a couple times. Glad money wasn’t demanded of me that time as well.

Give it to Me’

Wesley and I sat in the sunshine at the Starbucks in the Clackamas Mall. I just wanted to find out if he was okay, but I also wanted him to ‘give me’ feedback re: the crime. One thing I’ve discovered that’s so important on the road to healing after violence is to ‘confront the pain’! I needed to share my take on the pain we’re going thru, and what I thought of him and Andrew. I hoped he wouldn’t shut down on me. He immediately opened up though and shared how every year around this time he grew moody, depressed. I told him it was the same with me, that PTSD memories affect everyone that way.

Oh, to find a soul who understands, who can relate to Marc’s case or can accept the subject of violence, healing! I’m also so grateful that Wesley responds in such a healthy way to healing! I don’t want any more tragedy to come out of the case, I want the best for him even tho it seems more has been piled on him.

It feels so normal meeting with him, we have a bond only few would understand. Most of the time we talk about life, we don’t get into pity or complain about our lot and hardly ever talk of the crime But the fact we can share ‘pain’ together is like the neatest ‘therapy’! I can’t tell you! I’m glad God gave me the best defendants in Marc’s case.

Give it to Me

‘Give it to me’ can be both good or bad, depending on the intention.

Someone else said that today, did you hear it? It wasn’t on the news. He said, ‘GIVE IT TO ME!  RIGHT NOW!  IT’S MINE, GIVE IT TO ME !  IT’S NOT YOURS TO KEEP !’

God tells us every day, ‘Give me your anxiety, your questions …. your sense of unworthiness! Give it back! I paid for it! It doesn’t belong to you.’

And we usually just keep our pain or worries selfishly to ourselves. We want to ‘fix’ things. We want to be strong like our parents were, or like our friends seem to be.

But God’s not into the act of putting on make-up, or getting so super fit or whatever before we get close to Him. He’s tired of our fooling around and pretending we’ll work things out. He’s into partnership, a relationship …. not some band-aid attempt of ours to cover our helplessness. He won’t force us to give it over, He doesn’t force us to ‘give Him our love or trust’.

Many people think of God as …. soooo high, high, high up there in the sky, and ….. we are so teeny, teeny, tiny, itsy bitsy little people down here, and  ….. that couldn’t be farther from the truth. His plans for our future, His peace is right here with us, inside us, if we only ask to have it revealed! He set things into motion at the time of creation, why not tap into His plan?

I’m so grateful for the peace, healing with the defendants! God’s got a plan for me and them after Marc’s journey to glory. God’s not far from me, He has time for our little lives down here.


(This last section taken from a msgs by Pr. Tom & Pastor Steven Trujillo, Fathers House Church, PDX, OR)


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