When Someone ‘Uses’ You

Ugggg …. I had a wake up call the other day! I was stunned …. hurt! I had to backtrack in my thoughts for awhile.

It actually involved a situation I’d wondered how to handle? It was re: someone I care about. I knew change was needed, so the wake up was not so unexpected or damaging.

Coming to terms about a constantly troubling situation in life or someones character involves some pain.

Seeing the whole issue in new light can make you cringe, big time. Sometimes you have to wake up re: a person at work, church or close family member or friend. It’s really tough when you discover ‘there’s nothing really there inside you value’! Or  ‘ …. there’s bad things inside’ you never want to be associated with. You once held a fairly lofty opinion of someone and now it’s dashed on the sands of time.

There’s a storm brewing if you don’t take care of some relationships –

More and more I’m discovering quality people on my new journey, people who are such a blessing! But ….  recently I’ve had to wake up about a few. I found myself thinking twice about some and wondering about their ability to ‘promise’ things but never show anything for their efforts, never follow thru. I know we all have had that happen with a family member we thought we knew so well, or a co-worker who’s said all these great words to us. Often we have some reason to deal with them on a regular basis,  but when it comes time to get on a really human level with them, there’s nothing but rote answers, evasive or ‘I could care less’ jargon.  And when you really need to converse on an important family or social issue, there’s continual excuses, passing the buck on responsibility, caring.

‘Empty’ people really have thrown me for a loop at times. But they’ve taught me also to stay clear of certain personality traits. Some people are helpful for ‘appearances’ sake, they don’t really walk in anyone’s shoes. You start seeing the patterns. The good eye contact isn’t there. You feel they’re saying things to ‘listen to themselves,’ enjoy their power with you or others. It really makes me sad once in awhile when I get ‘over’ a person or thru a situation because I understand the relationship was not going to be a lasting one as it was based on flattery or society’s assumed worth of them. It’s hard to look back and think …. ‘what got me involved with them in the first place, what made me like them or think they had anything to offer me?’

I’ve learned to be kind to ‘fake people’, to have my own peace in life, and not expect them to be real with me. If I need their help I try to make sure it’s an easy request. I know from experience with them they are not capable of any genuine comfort, inspiration, one on one sharing. Once you get to trust them, you’re open to their way of thinking, their lies, their rationalizing! You understand they are using you for their collection of people, experiences. Like in a Gatsby novel, or a Proverb character we’re to be wary of. They can say the right thing seemingly all the time to you, but then to someone else they say the opposite in order to please their ears, and then laugh like it’s no big deal to switch opinions so instantly!

Sometimes you can get over a user in your family but you fall for the same line from someone at church. This would make me feel crazy long time ago. It’s important to me to make sure I’ve got people on my side who have integrity, some inner values they’re consistent with. And values they hold me to as well. It’s hard being around those who you can’t respect or have to get along with for family or society’s sake. We’re forced to do that in this day and age at times.

‘Using’ people is normal to many. It’s becoming institutionalized too. There are ‘users’ in business, government …. the media …..  and even the church.

Always ….. test the spirits!

Relationships aren’t like shopping for wheels for your car. They have to be reciprocated to a degree with a good sense of the others worth. Being valued is a core need in our personality!

*  Dr. Phil’s book, “Life Code’ has some excellent examples of users, abusers, manipulators – Check it out!


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