How’s it going in heaven? It’s your birthday today, wow!
I can remember how it felt to bring you into this world, what it was like preparing you for life, but my joy is so tempered now because I can’t recall your birthday without mixed emotions and remembering that terrible October night! And that ….. you’re GONE …. the separation is real and I’m able to manage it basically cause I know it’s ‘temporary’, darling!
Oh my God, how that night changed us both! Stung my soul so that I wondered if I could recover. I’m still angry you’re gone ….. I still can’t believe the crime ever happened! I don’t like being forced to relive the crime, the separation! But God has allowed the pain to be side-lined enough of the time because you and I still have a purpose to this pain.
I don’t take for granted how lucky I was to have the two best sons. I realize I’m not the only mom ever to lose a child in the history of mankind, I’m one of many millions …. I don’t feel sorry for myself, just very blessed and lucky! Even in the midst of the painful memories.
The case was solved …. but still has a life of it’s own. Gone is the daily trauma of wondering how I’ll live with my deep longing to be with you clinging to my apron, so to speak. For all we talked about, we lived for and valued ….. I still promise to uphold my bargain to be a ‘voice’ for you as well as continue on my own path. You would have wanted to share ‘my’ core values too, if the tables were turned.
I can’t imagine all the good things you must be doing up in heaven. You’ve got the planets, relatives and famous people up there …. you can talk with family, saints from history who strove, loved and sacrificed not just for their own benefit but for others coming down the pike. I believe you may also be able to have some say so in our earthly affairs. You’re not just up there sitting on a ‘cloud’ all day, drifting in the wind without a care or purpose!
Love is the strongest creative force ever! If you’ve never loved, you’ve never lived! It has power past the grave, power to reach into the future and grab a goal even after the flame appears to have died.
It’s not over Marc, your mom is doing good for you!