Friday, Jan. 9, 2015 – I’m writing this with the utmost respect for Marc, but death can be a ‘purifying’ force in ones life. Deep loss can trigger changes in loved ones on earth that are very positive.
Some things in my life just aren’t that important to me any more. After Marc left I started feeling ashamed about certain petty attitudes I had in life that I was wasting my time on. All of a sudden alot of my nostalgic desire for certain Christmas memories just disappeared, or tapered way down, and … I didn’t miss them. Christmas still means something very special but there’s a huge shift in the way I celebrate. My emotional attachment to ‘things’ has undergone a huge shift, and I’ll never go back. A murder case and all the extraneous activities I’m forced to deal with are so much more important to get right.
Death shows you who your genuine family and friends are! The people who are strong for you or who don’t show up, really means alot to your heart. Some have been like angels from God …. aching with me, giving much time or energy to the Memorial, bringing food or calling. It’s been sorta bone-chilling to find a few who were cold, or condemning, it threatened the peace in my spirit for a couple days!
A real stunning thing happened immediately after my new ‘adventure’ with Marc started. I got this revelation that I’d been living with some ‘fantasies’ of life that needed to be weeded out. It was like a light was shone on certain relationships, or expectations of life, that were completely not right for me. I felt I got a glimpse of where I really should be going, and the wrong thinking got corrected instantly, and may I add, painlessly!
Thru this horrible ordeal I’m so grateful for all the good that’s come into my life …. and for the love that Marc gave me that still fills my heart daily.