MERRY CHRISTMAS to my readers !
Most of you know this blog is not about the things I’ve consumed or cooked thru the year.
At certain holidays I need to digress from my usual posts and share about Marc. Yesterday as I started this post I got a call from someone asking if Marc was here? I was so stunned by the timing of the call, just as I was writing of him. It was such a ‘dig’ in my soul to have to explain why he couldn’t come to the phone.
Life is momentarily a ‘downer’ when I have to account for the sudden reminders of Marc being gone. Christmas is just a blaring reminder of his absence. I’m not depressed, but …. I miss him so much! I never knew what total ‘longing’ for someone was like till this! I think I took so much for granted!
Stuffing my sadness inside isn’t where it’s at, I’ve learned. I’m so glad to be a writer so I can get this stuff out on paper privately and then in a blog post. Being among others on this holiday is nice but most of the time they’re laughing, drinking and talking of food, their kids so I value my time alone to cope, write.
I had the most wonderful son, I rejoice in that! And …. one of our legacies is that …. we had a pretty full, normal life even in this modern age where ‘things‘ tend to control people. Where politics can seem overwhelming. I’m so grateful for the love and sanity we shared.
I heard someone share today on TV about how Mary and Joseph lived a normal life even tho they were a divinely chosen couple. Christmas wasn’t an accident. They were matched in lineage and had a destiny and their world, like ours, was in political, spiritual chaos. Still, for the most part, that couple led a quiet, peaceful life and didn’t become enmeshed in the furor around them. They didn’t need to brag at Temple how their son was this brilliant rabbi type guy who’s going to be a King. It’s cool how God deals with people, how He deals with us individually to keep us humble, separate and safe for our ‘purpose’, if we’re willing to stay the course. He’s planned for us thru our genealogy, our culture.
Anyway, I know you’re all really busy but it would really feel great if someone out there would send me a big ‘hug’! I’ve tried so hard this past week to be so strong but I’m really missing Marc. Several people have taken note of my sadness this Christmas but it’s still like having a sore thumb at this time. Marc isn’t a relic of the past! He’s alive to me! But …. he’s not here!
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(P.S. – Thanks for the hugs!)