“DYING FOR ATTENTION IN PORTLAND”
“In this impersonal world here’s an intimate look at how relationships are the most important things we have” –
There’s no book on surviving your child! Only the deepest self reflection can give you the peace you desire or think you’ll never have again. Your ‘new normal’ is your own construct to figure out. God and others fill in those gaps when you can’t imagine the next step. And in my case, victory at certain stages of my Marc’s homicide case played a key part in bringing me hope. You cannot do it alone! You can’t wish it, or ‘will’ it. I learned I had to reach out for it. Reach out for words, prayers, hugs. No one knew what I was going thru unless I told them, outside of the original news of the crime.
Creating a new title has taken much thought as I haven’t wanted to make it sound amateurish, or like it was intended for shock value. I could create a title that was lady-like, or arty and clever’. Something super spiritual or lofty might have been fitting …. if written by someone else! The book could have a title that gushes sentiment, or wallows in despair or is full of rage at some judge or law.
But while ‘God’s in my story’ if I don’t address the normal human condition, it’s a disservice to who God is and how He’s made us with such a huge capacity to love and feel pain. He wants us to relate to the world out there, the one that people live daily. He’s made us to dig deep for meaning and relationship on a continual basis, no matter what’s going on around us. So the title has to tie in Marc’s case but share Marc’s and my concern for society at large. A murder is never about just the victim, or his family …. it’s far ranging.
There is purpose outside of our personal ‘wants’, meaning above the material life we lead daily on earth.
We need to be engaging in the discussion of violence more often, so we stay safe and don’t live in fear. In this month where I’m having PTSD, Marc’s birthday is on 9/30, & the incident on 10/16 …. alot of memories rush back to remind me of his loss. The separation is the hardest part. That’s as it should be, a hole was created that only Marc can fill. But a whole lotta love remains! A whole lotta hope and new life has manifested from out of nowhere, after the crime, it’s seemed.
It’s still a privilege to serve Marc’s memory!
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* Read Les Ferguson Jrs book, ‘Still Wrestling’ – It’s a stunning memoir and testimony