“DYING FOR ATTENTION IN PORTLAND”
“In this impersonal world here’s an intimate look at how relationships are the most important influences in our lives” –
There’s no book on surviving your child! Your ‘new normal’ is your own construct to figure out. God and others fill in those gaps when you can’t imagine the next step. And in my case, victory at certain key stages of my son Marc’s homicide case played a key part in bringing me hope.
You cannot go on this journey without your child alone! Don’t try to be a martyr. You can’t ‘wish’ or ‘will’ healing, it’s something other people give you. Sometimes we have to ask for things. You have to get past your fear of being judged or that you’ll make a jerk of yourself. People don’t know what you’re going thru unless you tell them many times and they don’t care about your tears.
Creating a new book title has taken much thought as I haven’t wanted to make it sound amateurish, or like it was intended for shock value. I could have created a title that was arty, intellectual or too lofty sounding to be real. The title could have been one where it depicts me wallowing in despair or full of rage at some judge, law or life.
But while ‘God’s in my story’ if I don’t address my normal human condition going thru the investigation, it’s a disservice to who God is and how He’s made us with such a huge capacity to love and feel pain. He wants us to relate to the world out there, the one that people live in daily. He’s made us to dig deep for meaning and relationship on a continual basis, no matter what’s going on around us, and share that with others. A murder is never about just the victim, or his family …. it’s far ranging.
There is purpose outside of our personal ‘wants’, above the material life we lead daily on earth.
It’s my opinion we need to be engaging in the honest discussion of violence more often, so we stay safe and don’t live in fear. Murder doesn’t have to be ‘the end’ of a persons legacy or purpose on earth. It’s not just a tragic event and it’s over!
In this month where I’m having PTSD, Marc’s birthday is on 9/30, & the incident on 10/16 …. alot of memories rush back to remind me of his loss. The separation is the hardest part. That’s as it should be, a hole was created that only Marc can fill. But a whole lotta love remains! A whole lotta hope and new life has manifested from out of nowhere, after the crime, it’s seemed.
It’s still a privilege to serve my son’s memory!
* Read Les Ferguson Jrs book, ‘Still Wrestling’ – It’s a stunning memoir of a pastor’s survival after his wife and son were murdered –