Sat., Jan 17 – I’ve wondered if other parents who’ve lost a child by violent crime have gone thru what I have. I’m sure there are similarities.
When I flew back to L.A. to deal with Marc’s Memorial, life ‘after’, I felt so odd when I’d go into a store where there were strangers. Something in me had this strange need to check out if anyone might attack me! I felt so on edge. For months! When you’re immersed in a murder case 24/7 it makes you see life differently. You’re more aware of crime or potential danger out in the public. I felt very cautious of new environments for awhile.
There are parents who’ve lost a child from war, or a drunk driving accident … I know some have felt enraged when their child is taken so cruelly or suddenly. Some parents fold in depression and never recover. When your child is taken in an unjust way it is one of the biggest hurts a parent can suffer! It’s not the usual way people pass on, and so hard to understand and share with others.
Last weekend I watched the Packers play the Cowboys. I kept identifying with Aaron Rodgers who was playing injured, but he absolutely needed to win the game! I wondered how he and the coaches would handle the game. I watched the whole thing off and on and was so delighted his team won. He did an admirable job, he was ‘injured’ like me, I guess I felt. It made me feel good his confidence never wavered!
It’s good to see a game between well-matched rivals, but I soon remembered Marc, and recalled how my life had changed forever. Being so wrapped up in a violent crime you lose sight of normal life. My need for ‘justice’ is the main thing driving me and so I don’t feel sorry for my lot in life.