I don’t know about others, but with the shock of losing a child so suddenly and brutally, my life has changed dramatically. Having to go thru Marc’s effects made me think of not only his life span but my own.
These past couple months I don’t have alot of the old cultural ambitions that we all tend to have in the West, like life is this ongoing journey of joys and struggles that have been given to us, and we have all the time in the world to see them to fruition.
I see my life as a grand panorama of late. I see my childhood, the years I spent raising children, these past few years …. and I’m really feeling foolish for some of the things I wasted my time on. I chased the American Dream at times instead of working on the life I was really made for. Being devoted to this pursuit of justice for Marc has brought me new fulfillment, new people and places.
I’ve been released to share my real thoughts, values, and I don’t feel apologetic. I’m feeling more free of the pretense we tend to live by these days. I don’t care if people are offended by my macabre blog subject! About the worst thing that could ever happen to me, has happened, and …. I’m not real concerned if people don’t like what I have to say. It sure makes things a lot better for me!
Marc was stronger than me in some ways, he wasn’t ashamed to be himself. He didn’t live in fear of offending, he wasn’t ashamed of his values. His character was deeply ingrained in all he did, he was consistent and an inspiration to be around. In this day and age of shallowness, what a blessing I had in him, and still marvel at!